Last night, I started crying.
I didn't know I was crying, and I didn't really understand why I was crying about what I think I was crying about, but it happens when I'm too overwhelmed with emotions, which is how I've been feeling for the past month or so. Not with a single thing, but with multiple things at the same time. I was talking about traveling to Portland to see my best friend and then I started talking about how I shouldn't be doing excessive and selfish things like traveling, and then I thought about how happiness is unreal and then I started crying out of nowhere. Not sobs-- just silent tears running down the sides of my face. Sad tears. The kind that just keep falling with no explanation and all you can do is fix your eyes on something insignificant in the room, until you realize his sleeve is stained with your tears, until you have to laugh to pretend like it isn't a big deal.
Was it really the weight of the world that I was crying about? Was it grief for a perpetual "sadness mecca" I stumbled upon this past year? Because as awful and ironic as it sounds, I couldn't believe I was crying for people I don't know and people I have never met and will never meet.
So, was I crying because I mentally could not handle all this? Was I really just crying for... myself?
