First of all, I enjoyed the wedding planning process. Prior to being betrothed, I rarely thought about my wedding and how I would want it to be. Although, I suppose I knew very well what I didn't want. So my enthusiasm came as a surprise as I was in the thick of all the planning. It helped that we kept the wedding small, it helped to remove all the things I consider unimportant to me, and it helped to have a partner who was actively involved. I am most happy about not being a "fiancee" anymore. I hated that awkward time of suddenly calling my boyfriend a fiance, temporarily, and identifying as an engaged person. But it was probably nice ammo for people who needed something to ask about for small talk?
The question many people asked me as soon as the ceremony was finished was how I felt. As a person who loathes spotlight, I simply felt relieved it was over. I felt a burden lifted. As much as it was a meaningful moment, it was also quick and hazy. Cliff and I got legally married in July, and have been living together for over five years before our wedding day, so it all really felt performative for me. As awful as that may sound, to me, a moment is not nearly as important as a relationship (which is obvious, but maybe it sounds less insensitive if I lay it out as such). Still, I don't want to take away from the meaning it did bring to family, for example, and the symbolism of... wedding bands, a white dress, an aisle runner... among other things.
But the real answer, and the gist of how I felt that day was overwhelming gratitude. I was so thankful to see friends who were there to celebrate with us and especially those that have traveled far, thankful for family who were particularly helpful. I felt sad I was unable to spend more time with certain friends, even with the smaller head count. Perhaps everyone feels this way, and no amount of time can really make up for it.
Then, in the spirit of how we conducted our wedding, I suppose we channeled the same gravitation to do whatever we wanted for ourselves during the honeymoon as well. As in, we did notice the invisible societal pressure to do "fun, adventurous" activities during our travels, but had to remind ourselves of its unnatural place in our personalities (honestly, probably just my personality, but Cliff persuades me otherwise). Afterall, we did go to Taipei, of all cities.
I can tell you glamorous parts of our travel, but the most prominent and disturbing part was being a tourist in a foreign country. Refusing to drink tap water in Thailand, while it has its health reasons, felt offensive. Also, being serviced has always been uncomfortable for me, perhaps because I didn't really grow up around it, aside from general service from waitstaff at my local Chinese-Korean restaurant.
I'm losing my post-wedding recap writing mojo. Will stop here without proofreading.
