I used to think it was an admirable and practical skill to be able to engage in small talk, but over the last couple of years, I find it an absolute inane societal nicety we've tragically adapted into being something to admire and acquire.
I suppose if I'm being honest, I do agree it's a practical skill. But I stand by my personal belief that it's stupid. It's false engagement (what's my motive here?). It's inefficient (how do I get you talk about your values instead?). And above all, it's uninteresting (how much do I really care to know the shallow details of your life?).
So, I stopped trying, and instead, I waited to see what others brought up. It turns out, most people like to talk about work, perhaps because it's the safest topic. Unfortunately, it's usually the most boring topic. At least, ever since I realized I hate small talk, I stopped caring about what people do for living. Occasionally, people have actual interesting careers, but not often (at least not in my highly educated network). Many people choose their careers based on their skills and the limited choices they have to put it in use to bring in significant monetary value. I get it: had we not cared about money, perhaps we'd all have interesting jobs to discuss with one another.
Now that I'm really analyzing this, maybe it's not small talk that I hate, but rather, I just hate talking about people's jobs. I hate pretending like I'm truly interested. And I also know what it's like to be on the other end, describing the kind of work I do while the rude bitch who inconvenienced me to tell my story gets distracted as I'm talking. I would have had a better opinion of her if she just didn't talk to me at all! Please come up with a better go-to small talk question that you're actually interested in hearing about.
I guess I'm thinking about small talk with people I don't really know well and people in which there's a high probability I won't ever see again. Otherwise, engaging in small talk with my actual friends or even acquaintances is more likely a genuine curiosity about how you're doing, how's work, or the real question underneath all that fluff: what's been on your mind lately. I've only had a handful of conversations with new people where it didn't feel like small talk, and usually, I am enamored by their impression for days.
