She has countertransference issues.
She loves her patients that are like her, that she can easily empathize with, or the ones that are vulnerable and honest. She doesn't like the ones that are guarded, even though the guarded ones are guarded for a good reason. She learns to "tolerate aggression without retaliation" with the patients that she's scared of. She believes in "rupture and repair," because there's no other way out.
She hates the men who make her feel objectified in a professional setting. Sometimes she understands it's human nature, but most of the time, she feels disrespected. To add race into the picture is ultimate degradation. She wants to yell. She feels the internal anger in her growing bigger and bigger. But that's not professional.
Her affect is inappropriate to her mood; sometimes laughing at serious microaggressions that stab at her insides. Her single episode depression is in remission, and anxiety symptoms remain high. Namely, DSM-5 code F40.10.
She has transference issues in her personal therapy. She doesn't want to offend her therapist because she knows what it feels like to be in that chair, so she sometimes keeps things to herself even though it's not beneficial. She wants to be the "ideal patient" and adored by her therapist, just like she adores her ideal patients.
She's angry. And she's been angry for a long time. Perhaps from the conflict of not getting what she wanted and also empathizing with the situation. It has something to do with being Asian and being American. Independence versus being the Dutiful Daughter. It collides, internalizes, and turns into anger. So she's angry at Christianity (which we all knew was coming eventually), she's angry at white America, she's angry at the masculine construct, and she's angry at herself for succumbing to all of these things.
But that means she's vulnerable, and just doesn't want to admit it. She wants to be liked. She wants to be pleasant. She wants peace, but feels she must fight for it to prove to the world around her that she can do it on her own.
In the last three years, she's learned to be more honest with herself. The prognosis is good.
