I feel relatively good these days.
It's been a while since I've felt this way. I attribute that to a few things: Cliff, self-cognitive behavioral restructuring, and self-care. I stopped caring so much about the social pressures of school life (although still very much anxiety-provoking), I've learned to manage and prioritize important-to-know vs. important-for-GPA workload, and just overall feel more mentally and emotionally liberated. While I'm quite aware that this could be a temporal feeling that may slip through my fingers at any moment, I'm trying my best to bask in the contentment.
Ever since I started grad school, I've been feeling so self-absorbed. I suppose it's the same feeling you get when you talk too much about yourself. I'm so tired of talking and thinking about me and my professional and academic woes. It's more than just complaining about a job or complaining about homework. It's about really thinking out loud about my future and how confusing it is, or how confusing I'm making it to be, and letting everyone know, even though they're going through the same thing. And in analyzing my current writing process, I'm tired of meta-processing it too. God, I'm annoying myself.
This past Monday, Stephen and I went to see Miami Horror, perhaps to re-live our 2011 show-of-the-year. They were just as fun, if not more fun, than the first time around. They truly epitomize my current aesthetic and musical obsession, although I would say I felt the same way this time of the year, four years ago. I love shows so much. They make me feel like myself. It's so reminiscent of my teenage years, lusting after bands and religiously following their lifestyles. I've always believed that my music interest is what initially shaped my fashion, my thinking, and any trace of deviance, even if that meant having scene hair. The only difference is that back then, I wanted to be white, and that's far from what I would like to be now.
Speaking of 2011, that particular June was my first Pride experience. Having made a connection with the guy who works at American Apparel (ironically named Stephen-Henry), Henry-Stephen and I were hooked up with free gay rights shirts. Legalizing prop 8 was a hot potato topic then. Today, gay marriage is nationwide. What an amazing accomplishment.
It's a great time to be a confused, twentysomething. I wonder if everyone who has been in their twenties said the same thing when they were a confused, twentysomething.
