I'm not sure how or when exactly it happened, but one day, I was able to recognize the common denominator of my personal views on what is considered "satisfying human interaction."
I knew something was off whenever I hung out with this person I called my "best friend" from age 12 to 18. Of course, I didn't know something was off when the friendship organically developed over the years, but as I started making other friends and interacting with other people, I realized that this best friend of mine did not fit the definition of a best friend that I desired. Not that she was a bad person-- not at all. She was someone I was extremely comfortable with and someone who could make me laugh. We mostly talked about boys, the girls we hated (aka "wanted to be like"), church, and how much we hate school, but we never talked about personal things like our faith, our relationship with family, or other individualistic character struggles. Although our relationship was always fun, it was never serious.
Am I too focused on finding meaning in my relationships with people?
As I [slowly] started expanding my horizons, particularly in college and onward, I realized yet again how much of a priority it is for me to have relationships that are more meaningful and fulfilling than pure fun (this might be just one explanation for my preference of one-on-one over group settings, because group settings rarely get personal). I know everyone who has some puny string of moral fiber probably has this hierarchy of importance as well, but is there as much of a disparity between fulfillment and fun in relationships to them as there is to me? I can't figure out why this is and I'm convinced it's a bad way to look at relationships with people.
So: is looking for meaning in all relationships too much unnecessary pressure?
Look, it's not that I weed out all the fun people from all the philosophical people. I have friends of both natures (although much less of the latter), and I enjoy my time with them-- for a limited amount of time, that is. It's just extremely difficult for me to find exceptionally fun and philosophical people. It almost always has to be one or the other (or an uncomfortable mixture of the two that doesn't blend well), and very rarely, I'll find a needle in the haystack.
Finally: is my fixation on meaning incorrigible, and is that a bad thing?
Well, I don't know.
