It was so mentally draining that by this morning, at the end of the work week, I feel like nothing will help me get through the rest of the day. I typically fall into a lull at around 3-4PM (some particular individual can attest to such an event) but the mornings are usually not an issue for me. After about two minutes of questioning my willpower to wake up at such an hour for the sake of some blasphemous sense of "financial stability," I get up, and, after three or so additional minutes, I'm now quite awake and find that coffee might not even be necessary. Out of bad practice and urge, I end up getting it anyway.
We just had a deadline at work, that's all it was. As I mentioned before, I love it when I'm busy and didn't mind at all, but I can't deny how taxing it can be. Thus, I look forward to waking up alarm-less this weekend.
Earlier in the week, the joy I always thought that came in the morning did not come on this particular day.
Sleep only interrupted my thoughts-- not tucked them away into a soft, comfortable blanket. Now I wonder if that's all sleep does for the deranged-- hide things.
A lot of things went through my mind, as that night, I was informed of an oddly irking and infuriating image that broke my perception of someone I had already given a chance in being open-minded about. Not to say that my judgment of others requires "chances" or "opportunities"-- what does it matter to others to have my approval or not? But, in my unfortunately rare experience in giving people like this person a place in my life to teach me some grandeur lesson I know I need to be taught, he disappointed me.
There's that Christian morale that states that we should not be depending on other people for (fill in the blank), but this didn't/doesn't apply to me at the moment.
Why does it bother me so much that this person has disappointed me? Or has things like this always bothered me, but I never knew because I never gave people like him the opportunity to disappoint me in the first place? Or maybe he's unique. Maybe I've never crossed paths with anyone like this man before, and now humanity has a conceived a new problem in my limited world. I thought that about my previous pastor-- that he was a newly conceived problem in my limited world that now had me questioning everything. I guess he wasn't that unique, after all.
So I began to think that maybe all the other people I knew always let me win in order to avoid conflict or to please me, and then maybe this guy comes along not to please people but to speak authentic words.
I'm over it now, I think. But this led me to think about my personality. The Myers Brigg test has always been interesting to me despite that there are many complexities with categorizing personality types. Will you gain a greater sense of self? Sure. Is it possible that the analysis will make you justify the way that you are? Yes. And will it make you say "this is so me"? Probably.
After retaking the test*, I feel at ease. Yes, this proves I'm not alone in my behavior. Am I justifying the way that I am through some test? Yes...
On Wednesday evening, Cliff and I went to see The Soil & The Sun. What a great mid-week pick-me-up. No words to properly describe the experience. This was our second time seeing them; our first being in Cincinnati.
Oh, but if I had to give you some words, they are: jammin', violinist's thigh workout and Teva's (Cliff predicts its outbreak in 2014 fashion), tail-end-of-tour, passion, people I want to be like, and whiff of the familiar Fritos B.O.
If you're able to see this Michigan band live, their shows are inexpensive and definitely worth your time.
Happy weekend.
*I am static: INFJ, however, percentages have changed. I- 100% N- 88% F- 12% J- 67%
Most notably, I was formerly a more neutral intuitive percentage to the current 88%, and a former 89% introversion to 100%. I don't know about you, but I don't think I've ever seen 100% before, which is kind of scary, but ironically comforting to know I am an absolute of something.
