What a beautiful time of the year it is.For me, the end of the year is always the time of year where I find I am the most financially troubled and the most confused about the direction of my life. But this year, I have a good feeling.
I feel like I have way too much experience from this past single year that I can offer someone. And that wasn't just a career-driven statement; I mean that for the future people I will ever encounter, as well as the relationships in my life. I guess it's a feeling of confidence, even though it has equally been muddled with frustration, if not more.
I am so thankful for my 11 months committed to an AmeriCorps service. I couldn't have spent my first post-grad year any better. It got me prepared for a life of full-time work hours, it got me prepared for the bare minimum financial circumstance, it got me prepared for vile bosses, it got me prepared for managing my money, it got me prepared for emergency governmental assistance programs, and it got me prepared for what my life would be like if I truly decide to dedicate it to serving the public. And really, that's what it has come down to. I want to spend the rest of my life doing something impactful to others because there's just too much bad shit in this world that your average individual doesn't seem to recognize because they're so caught up in their own life and own successes.
During the year that I've spent getting to know the people of Cincinnati, a major even happened to me that I didn't really expect despite the circumstances of an AmeriCorps VISTA. Around my six month mark of serving, I hit rock bottom. I felt depressed because I had this weight on me that I thought was only my burden to carry. I've talked to and saw many people who were mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially destitute. I questioned why I was striving for happiness and consumption when there were people out there striving for survival. I didn't grow up in a household with a lot, but I knew I had just that much more than the people I had encountered.
I cried daily, until I had to get away from Cincinnati for five days to be in Portland with my best friend. When I was there, I ignored all the things happening in Cincinnati and additionally, ignored every homeless person on the streets of Portland without a care. I just had to clear my mind, and realize that this burden wasn't just my own.
Now that I have four weeks left until my year is up, I just feel extremely grateful to have had all these emotions that taught me so much about life. It excites me to know that I'm only 23 and have so much more ahead of me to learn.
And so, I'm thankful to those that have supported me during my service. I know it's not the end yet, but being the beginning of November and all, I just felt a lot of gratitude.
