Despite last month's financial drought (or, more appropriately, "independent conspicuous consumption"), I've been hungry for more "goods."
The more chaotic it gets at work here at the end of the season, the more I lose focus on my personal life's priorities. Although I have enough saved to keep me going for a few months after unemployment (and word is that this is rare during the AmeriCorps year), I didn't save as a survival tactic to prepare myself for the worst-- I saved because I imagined it would go towards my loans while my actual job would pay for my bills and cycle of living. I'm talking as if I've already failed, so I will stop myself before I start degrading my abilities further.
I've been purchasing a lot of little things: cheap tops that are good for layering in the fall, jewelry, ankle socks, and mascara (which, I have to tell you that after seven years of being an active mascara user, I finally found the best affordable line of mascara for volume. It's by Maybelline...the only mascara brand I happen to use...and it's the blue "Rocket Volumexpress" in "very black" waterproof formula. I knew the moment I put it on that it was going to be my choice for a long time and I feel a great need to endorse the product).
Anyway, I thought about it and I think this consumer-craze is a reflection of my eagerness for new things.
As the year is approaching fall and students are starting the school year, it excites me to know that rather than school, I'm going to be starting a new career. I feel like I'm starting over now-- as if I've just graduated-- because my AmeriCorps service is a contractual term, and I knew I would only serve one year. I don't know how to stop stressing this point, but I just love being productive, and I think education for different people at different stages of life (ie. me) is a time warp. You pause, for however many years it takes to get Degree B, and pretend like responsibilities don't exist. That's how most students unconsciously live, unless you've already been through debt and been through unemployment and the financial independence of parents, who, by the way, can't really afford the extra loss of income because of your lack of work ethic. Even so, I feel like education would be a foolish escapism. Simply put, I'm not mentally and economically prepared for a higher education just yet. If I did go to school now, I would be admitting my lack of responsibility. I'm eager to put my passion to work.
