It's been just about half a year now since I officially "moved" and started my work here as an AmeriCorps VISTA member, which means that half my year of service is already over. First and foremost, I'd like to clarify any type of confusion people may have about AmeriCorps programs, which is that they are nothing like internships. I was talking about this with Cliff earlier this week, but my experiences as an intern have left a bitter taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong, my internships were extremely conducive to my current complacency in my career-life (303 Magazine made me realize I didn't want to work with a lifestyle magazine, or be an intern for the rest of my journalistic life; OTRCH helped me realize I need structure in my career, but simultaneously got me back to Cincinnati since I learned so much), but unpaid? And treatment as if we meant nothing? Let's just say that if I ever had the opportunity to have an intern, I would allow room for structure, freedom, AND pay. Maybe it's just the line of work I've been keeping my eye out on that makes me think all work places that host internships neglect their interns. And now, partly because of my particular experience as a magazine intern, I no longer find any appeal in being an unpaid editorial intern for 5 years of my life before reaching the point of publishing any respectable articles.
Point is, AmeriCorps programs are no joke. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes more, and I know my value here, which is that if I were not here, my organization would be crippled. I'm not bragging. It's just the way it is here. This holds true for any of the other nine VISTA members that are currently serving at this organization with me. Without any one of us, work would pile up. We create capacity. We develop materials that will be used consistently for years to come. To be called a "volunteer" would be an insult, and to be compared to an intern would be offensive. And to be frank, I often wonder how much I'd actually make had they run out of AmeriCorps grants and hired me as a full time employee. We all wonder that.
Instead, I'm paid a living stipend by the government, which means I get a lot of benefits. Benefits come when you're financially living in poverty-- ask anyone receiving food stamps, medicaid, and cash assistance. I receive two of the three. Yes, I had to submit my own application, make my own appointments, attend interviews, go through the red tape, long lines, and heavy-duty paperwork in order to receive the benefits. Just like everyone else.
It's pretty fair, all this. What's unfair is when people (both bystanders and co-workers) take your title for granted.
Thus, I'm in the process of finding out where I want to go after this. Full time grad school is something that I just don't find any importance in at this point in my life. I've never been more sure of that before. I don't even know what I would study (there's a lot I would love to study). I feel blessed to know that I just know what I want to do, and that it varies so much. Some may call that "indecisive" and "unspecialized," but when literally the WORLD has so much to offer, why limit yourself?
I want to make change for the better. And I don't want to be removed from what I've seen and what I will continue to see.
I used to heavily consider staying in Cincinnati for many reasons, but after experiencing such trauma, I think I'm ready to move on. It's contradictory, but like everyone has reassured me, poverty exists everywhere, in every city. It just depends how freaking ignorant you are. And of course, some areas are more densely populated with poverty, and Cincinnati was one of them. I won't say I'm fully committed to leaving after the end of this year, but I think there is something more for me out there, where ever it is that I end up going. Secretly, there are a lot of things to consider, since I can no longer be a selfish individual. Needless to say, I am enthused and anxious to see where God leads me. I feel hypocritical saying that, but even though I'm dead inside, I just know it's not solely me that has taken and will continue to take me as far as I can.
