For every second passed, an emotional disposition is reaching its end goal of determinism.
I'm the type of person that needs more time to even think about how I'm feeling about what is being said. Unless it was a notion I've been thinking about for an extended amount of time beforehand-- and obviously, purposefully-- I'm just a slow reactor.
More so with people I'm not particularly close with. We'll have a conversation and it will all be fine and I'll be smiling and nodding my head because that's the protocol, and then I'll go home and be angry or in deep thought.
Even I would think I would do otherwise-- speak my mind and make quick, decisive comebacks. I wish I could but I just can't. And sometimes, I know it's better because I know I will feel a sense of remorse.
Anger drives a lot of what I do and how I came to be. Write and isolate. In a way, I'm kind of glad I don't make irrational, emotional, and rash outbursts. But alternatively, does this mean I always say the exact things I want to say because I held my tongue and gave myself adequate time to analyze?
The answer is no. Unless I write it down, I am almost always never satisfied. Time is deceptive in my world. It makes everyone around me believe that I am legitimized and my words, justified.
Just free associating.
